• The density of it all
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Ok, I hate to admit it. I am in my mid forties. Hence, I am middle aged. Even writing the words gives me the chills. But hey that time of life is upon me. I deal with it. Right?

I wake up occasionally. No I wake up all the time, but occasionally there are days when I wake up and ponder my existance. Oh im soooo deep. Seriously, I do, I wonder how I am going to deal with all the impending milestones (agewise) ahead of me. 50 is only five and a half years away. Wow, even seeing the words. Anyway, on I shuffle. Damn arthiritis. Joking. Although, I have a dicky thumb that clicks a bit. Hmmm.

Now you can look at it all a number of ways. First you can get miserable thinking about all the little dremas you had that never came to fruition. Another one is that you can start to fear the reaper and so every blemish or bump may be cancerous, you know that sort of thing. Im pretty sure there are a number of negative ways to look at ageing. But I am desperate to be positive here and I like to think that you can impress upon yourself that you are ageing as you have to do physically (theres no way around it), but mentally you are growing constantly and becoming a wiser more zen you, and indeed you are connstantly learning. I also think you are becoming the person you were meant to be, instead of you wanted to be when you were eighteen or dreamed to be at sixteen. You are becoming you. Alright, the body isnt as great a physical instrument as it once was, I mean we are a biological organism after all, but you deal with it and your physical failings shape your character every bit as much as your mental state has torpedoed it. In that I mean, if a person loses a limb. It may spur them on toward a new direction in life. They cant do certain things the way they used before, but now they have to adapt and learn something knew. They REACT.  That is THE important thing here I believe. It is how we react to life. Not how we plod along in search of whatever superficial trend is consuming the last of our integrity through some vacuous social media platform or whatever other insane medium we engage with. We react to the hardships, the failings, the losses,the near misses, the rude, the bad, the naughty, the preachy, the misinformed, the accidental. We react to all the crap that flies steadily across our path and we still persevere. This monumentous exercise in crap management builds character you see. This make us who we are. Not who we dreamt or envisaged ourselves to be. Because folks, back in the teenage day when we dreamt of being rockstars, actors , sport stars or whatever else, we never threw a spanner in the works within that particular wish . I mean we were dreaming, so why would we spoil it.

So here we are warts an all. This is life. Embrace the good stuff and try at least to leave the shitty stuff not permeate our layers too much. As it bounces off us and falls turdlike to our feet we can at least try to deal with the marginal amount that seeps under our skin. We convert it to character and each morning we wake up again, we are kind of new. A better new.

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