Decided to do a dry January. Not in the fad way that seems to go with joining a gym (already a member), but realistically trying to prove how far I have progressed without the crutch that is alcohol. Its been nearly two weeks and yes I’m delighted to say that I have had no mind for it at all. I mean, it used to be the pinnacle of my weekend. I used to plan everything around that main night of booze. The music, the food, the company. I used to cook the next days dinner and lay the table for breakfast and make sure the house was double clean the day of the grand alcohol consumption, in some way of ensuring some normal self funcionality the following day. Some way of showing myself that I was a normal individual who could take a drink and carry on regardless. This however, was and is simply not true. Alcohol my friends, is by far the worst depressent that I have ever had to endure. It claws away at your very fibre of existance the following day, it whispers shit in your ear, it makes you feel that hope is just a myth. As I am writing this even, I am questioning the sheer ridiculousness of overdrinking ,especially for someone that treads the lines of anxiety or depression so much as I do. So writing about this part of me is for lack of a better word an purely organic move if I want to fully digress and unburden. And you know, I did say originally this blog first and foremost was for me a cathartic approach to self healing, because if I self heal then all around me are better for it, no?
Anyway, back to dry January. Im feeling less anxious, my stomach is not too bad and I feel like hey lets see how far this goes. Maybe a dry spring, maybe longer. The idealist in me would love that, but as I well know the self destructive part of me may not allow it to last that long. I feel like talking about alcohol will need revisiting and maybe a check in every now and then regarding the dry spell too.